What Executive Dysfunction Is

Ever stared at a sink full of dishes and thought, "I know I need to do this. I want to do this. So why the hell can’t I just... start?"

Welcome to executive dysfunction!!!

It’s one of those terms that gets thrown around a lot, especially in conversations about ADHD, autism, and other neurodivergent experiences. But unless you’ve lived it, it can be hard to understand just how disruptive it can be. It’s like having a fogged-up windshield where other people see a clear path.

So let’s break it down: what is executive dysfunction, what does it actually look like in day-to-day life, and why does it make seemingly simple things feel so damn hard?

First, What Even Is Executive Function?

Executive function is a term that covers a bunch of mental skills your brain uses to get stuff done. It helps you plan, organize, remember, manage time, focus, regulate emotions, and shift between tasks. Think of it like the manager in your brain who helps you:

• Prioritize tasks

• Start them

• Stay on track

• Finish them

• Transition to the next thing

If executive function is the manager, executive dysfunction is when the manager goes on an unexpected vacation and forgets to leave instructions.

What Executive Dysfunction Looks Like

Executive dysfunction shows up in so many ways, and it’s often invisible to other people. Here are just a few common examples:

1. Task Initiation Hell

You know what you need to do. You want to do it. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t get yourself to start. It feels like being stuck in molasses.

2. Time Blindness

Your sense of time is either hyper-now or nonexistent. Either you’re doing something urgently at the last minute, or you’ve completely lost track of time and three hours have gone by.

3. Forgetfulness That Feels Like Self-Sabotage

You set a reminder and still forget. You walk into a room and immediately forget why. You leave texts unread because you don’t know how to respond, then beat yourself up for ghosting someone.

4. Mental Clutter and Decision Fatigue

Too many tabs open in your brain. Every little choice feels monumental. Even something like picking dinner or responding to an email can feel overwhelming.

5. You Freeze, Then Flee

When something feels too big or complicated, you shut down. Maybe you scroll your phone for hours, take a nap, or do something unrelated instead. (And then you hate yourself for "procrastinating.")

Why It’s Not Laziness

Executive dysfunction is not about being lazy. Most people with executive dysfunction care a lot about the things they’re struggling to do. They beat themselves up for not doing it. They make to-do lists, set reminders, and try every trick in the book. They’re not avoiding the task because they don’t care. They’re overwhelmed by the task because they care.

The issue isn’t a lack of motivation, there’s a disconnect between intention and action. Your brain is trying to move forward but the gears are jammed.

How It Feels From the Inside

People often describe executive dysfunction as:

• Feeling like you’re failing at being a "functioning adult"

• Knowing exactly what needs to be done and being completely unable to do it

• Getting stuck in a shame loop: can’t start the thing, feel bad, still can’t start the thing, feel worse

• Watching life pile up around you and feeling helpless to fix it

It can also feel incredibly lonely. Because so much of this is invisible, people around you might not get it. You might hear things like:

• "Just do it."

• "You had all weekend."

• "You always wait until the last minute."

And that just adds to the shame.

What Helps?

There isn’t one magic fix, but there are strategies that can make things easier. Here are a few that I often recommend to clients:

1. Break Tasks Into Micro-Steps

If "do the laundry" feels impossible, try "put the dirty clothes in a pile." Then "carry pile to washer." Then "start the washer." You’re not lazy. The task was just too big to begin with.

2. Use Timers and External Cues

Set a timer for five or ten minutes and commit to just starting. Even if it’s only five minutes, you’ve done something. External structure helps when internal motivation is a struggle.

3. Body Doubling

Doing tasks alongside someone else, even virtually or on a call, can help you get unstuck. It reduces the emotional weight of the task.

4. Compassion First, Then Strategy

Beating yourself up will not make your brain function better. Be kind to yourself. "This is hard for me" is not the same as "I suck."

5. Work With, Not Against, Your Brain

Instead of trying to force yourself into a neurotypical mold, try to find workarounds that make sense for you. That might mean organizing by piles instead of shelves, using clear bins instead of opaque ones, or labeling everything under the sun. Or it might mean using visual cues or alarms. Whatever works!

Final Thoughts

Executive dysfunction is frustrating, exhausting, and often misunderstood. But it’s not your fault, and it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

If you struggle with these things, you’re not alone. Your brain might just need different tools, different pacing, and a whole lot more kindness than the world tends to offer.

So next time you’re stuck staring at that sink full of dishes, take a breath. Start small. Ask for support. And remember that struggling isn’t a sign of failure, it’s a sign you’re human.