Who Am I If I Thought That?
OCD can be really damn sneaky. Sometimes it doesn’t shout at you with panic. Sometimes it whispers the quietest, most unsettling question: “What kind of person thinks that?”
It doesn’t even matter what the thought is. It could be violent, sexual, blasphemous, hateful, weird, or just plain uncomfortable. The content shifts depending on your values, fears, and identity. But the real hook isn’t the thought itself. It’s the doubt that follows: If I thought that… does that say something awful about me?
This is where a lot of people get stuck. Not because they did something wrong, but because they had a thought and OCD decided that must mean something deeper, something dangerous.
So let’s talk about that.
Thoughts Are Not Facts
Here’s something most of us were never taught growing up: thoughts are just mental events. They happen all day long. Some are helpful, some are weird, some are absolutely bananas. But none of them are automatically meaningful.
Your brain produces thousands of thoughts a day. Most of them pass by unnoticed. But when one bumps up against your core values or fears, it gets flagged as a “problem.”
OCD loves to latch onto these moments. It says:
If you thought that, you might secretly want it.
If that popped into your head, maybe you're dangerous.
If you even wondered about that, you should probably figure it out… right now!
But that’s not how the mind works. Thoughts don’t define you. You are not your thoughts. You are your choices, your actions, your intentions.
If a thought upset you, it probably means the exact opposite of what OCD is telling you. That distress is a signal that it goes against your values, not that it confirms your worst fears.
The Ego-Dystonic Nature of OCD
When we say OCD is “ego-dystonic,” we mean that the intrusive thoughts are not in alignment with who you are. They feel alien. Wrong. Uncomfortable.
That’s why they stick. That’s why they feel like a threat.
For example:
A kind, peaceful person might be haunted by intrusive violent thoughts.
A deeply moral person might obsess over whether they’ve sinned.
A loving partner might spiral over whether they’re truly in love.
You’re not having these thoughts because they’re true. You’re having them because they’re scary to you.
“But Why Would I Even Think That?”
Who knows. Brains are weird. They associate things, create random images, pull from fears and memories and half-formed ideas.
Have you ever stood at the edge of a cliff and thought, What if I jumped? That’s not a secret death wish. That’s just your brain going, “Hey, that’s a possibility.”
The problem isn’t the thought. The problem is what we do after the thought. The meaning we assign. The compulsions that follow:
Mental review: Have I ever thought that before? What does that mean?
Avoidance: I can’t be around knives, babies, or religious symbols.
Reassurance seeking: Do you think I’m a good person?
All of these things give the thought more weight. More power. They make it seem like something that needs to be solved.
A New Way to Respond
So what do you do instead?
You let it be a thought. You let it hang out, like an annoying radio playing in another room. You don’t try to change it, argue with it, or cancel it out.
Try something like:
“That’s a thought, not a fact.”
“Yep, my brain just threw that at me. Weird.”
“I don’t have to figure that out.”
You can also get curious, without spiraling. Where did that thought come from? Is it tied to a fear? A value? A trigger?
OCD wants you to panic. It wants you to chase certainty. But you don’t have to play that game.
Final Thoughts
You’re not defined by your thoughts. You’re defined by how you live. How you show up. How you treat others, and how you treat yourself. Having a scary or upsetting thought does not make you bad. It makes you human.
So next time your brain throws a “What if I’m secretly a monster?” kind of thought at you, try this: Smile (or roll your eyes), name it for what it is, and move forward.
Because that voice in your head is just static, and you’ve got better things to do.
